Picky Eaters at the Dinner Table: How to Stay Calm With Picky Kids

What exactly is a “picky eater”?

“Picky eater” refers to children who are particularly selective about food and, for example, will only accept a limited variety of foods. New food? It’s eyed skeptically at first. An unfamiliar texture? Rather not. And is the bell pepper the wrong color today? Then it, too, can quickly end up on the “no” list.

Typical signs of picky eating might include, for example, your child:

• initially rejecting unfamiliar meals,
• disliking certain textures, smells, or tastes,
• eating only certain types of fruits or vegetables,
• repeatedly asking for the same foods over a long period of time, or
• suddenly refusing ingredients that they previously ate without any problems.

Does this sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. Such picky phases can occur especially during early childhood and don’t necessarily mean that something is wrong with your child or your parenting.

Taste and texture also play a role: Bitter, mushy, slimy, or just weird in the mouth... Not every fruit or vegetable tastes pleasant to children. Some like crunchy foods but aren’t fond of soft textures. Others are particularly sensitive to bitter flavors.

Experiences stick with them: Stomachaches, nausea, or an unpleasant situation can lead to a child choosing to leave a certain food on their plate next time. Stress related to eating can also influence how shared meals are perceived.

Start with small amounts: Instead of putting a whole serving on the plate right away, a small amount can be enough to start with. That way, the unfamiliar food doesn’t immediately demand their full attention.

Discover with all the senses: Tasting isn’t the only way to approach something new. How does the bell pepper feel? How does it smell? Does it crunch when you bite into it? Looking at, touching, or smelling it can also help them slowly become familiar with it.

Involve them in shopping and cooking: Let your child pick something out at the supermarket, wash vegetables at home, or help with meal prep. This way, they’ll come into contact with different ingredients almost without realizing it, even before the food ends up on their plate.

Offer a variety of foods: Is a whole cucumber boring? Maybe it looks more interesting when cut into sticks. Different shapes, preparation methods, or small snack plates can add some variety without turning it into an art project.

How to Make Picky Eating Less Stressful for Parents

Picky eating won’t necessarily go away just because you do everything “right” at dinnertime. But you can try to take some of the pressure off the situation while making sure that mealtime doesn’t turn into a major daily project.

Don’t cook something new every time your child refuses a food: When eating together, include something your child already knows and enjoys. That way, you won’t have to whip up a whole extra meal right away if the rest of the meal isn’t met with much enthusiasm.

Don’t measure progress solely by whether they try it: Did your child just touch or smell the new vegetable today? That’s also a way of getting to know it. Not every encounter with a food has to end with a bite.

Don’t evaluate every meal: You don’t have to take stock after every meal. Try not to turn individual meals into a daily test of balanced nutrition.

Think of yourself, too: Picky eating can sometimes just be frustrating. Try not to let it discourage you if a meal doesn’t go as hoped. Things might look completely different tomorrow.

Is my picky eater still getting enough nutrients?

A week that feels like nothing but pasta and bread, and parents start checking their mental nutrient checklist. Is my child getting enough vitamins? Are they missing vegetables? And what about vitamin C, anyway? Instead of scrutinizing individual meals, it’s worth looking at their diet over a longer period of time.

Nutrients are often found in more foods than you might initially think. Vitamin C, for example, isn’t just found in vegetables like bell peppers and broccoli, but also in various fruits such as kiwis, berries, and citrus fruits. If your child rejects one source, another might work better.

What if your child’s food choices are very limited?

If your child consistently eats only a very limited variety of foods, it may be helpful to take a closer look at their nutrient intake. However, you don’t have to keep track yourself of which nutrient might have been lacking yesterday between breakfast and dinner.

If you’re unsure, you can discuss your child’s diet with a pediatrician or a nutrition specialist. They can also assess on a case-by-case basis whether supplemental intake of certain nutrients is necessary at all.

Picky Eating or ARFID: What’s the Difference?

Your child doesn’t like vegetables? That alone doesn’t turn picky eating into an eating disorder. Nevertheless, there are situations in which very restricted eating behavior goes beyond a typical picky-eating phase. In this context, the term ARFID is often used.

The abbreviation stands for Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. It’s important to note that picky eating and ARFID aren’t simply two consecutive stages. Picky eating can occur in phases in children without an underlying eating disorder! With ARFID, however, the restriction is so pronounced that it can lead to significant physical or psychosocial impairments [3].

How can you tell if there might be more to it?

What matters is not whether a single food is rejected, but the overall picture. The following signs indicate that your child’s eating behavior should be evaluated by a professional [3]:

• The range of accepted foods is extremely limited or is becoming increasingly narrow.
• Your child is not consuming enough energy or nutrients.
• Weight or growth patterns are noticeably abnormal.
• Eating significantly interferes with daily life or social interactions.
• Mealtimes consistently cause significant stress.

If some of these points apply, it doesn’t automatically mean your child has ARFID. However, they can be a good reason to take a closer look and have the situation professionally evaluated.

Picky eating may simply be a phase

Picky eating can really test a parent’s patience. But your child doesn’t have to become an “everything eater” overnight. Offering new foods without pressure and keeping food from becoming a topic of negotiation as much as possible already goes a long way. And if you feel there’s more to it than that, don’t hesitate to seek support. After all, a short list of favorite foods doesn’t necessarily indicate how balanced your child’s overall diet is.

Curious to learn more about this topic? Then take a look at our magazine:

• Alkaline nutrition – Find your light balance: Alkaline foods for your well-being
• Young dreams, strong immune system: Multivitamins for little heroines
• The right diet during pregnancy? Here are the most important answers
• Diet for osteoarthritis: Which foods and nutrients can help
• Halloween treats: Sweets without the crash with Ceylon cinnamon

FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions

Can Adults Be Picky Eaters, Too?

Yes, adults can also be very picky eaters and may only like certain flavors or textures. Not all selective eating behaviors are automatically problematic, however.

Why does my child eat differently at daycare than at home?

A different environment, shared meals with other children, and set routines can influence how children react to food. That’s why it’s quite possible for a child to eat a certain ingredient at daycare but still refuse it at home.

How long can a “picky eater” phase last?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, and it can vary from child to child. Some children become more open to different foods over time, while others remain picky for longer.

Can my child suddenly become a picky eater?

Yes, picky eating habits can change as a child develops. So it’s entirely possible that your child will suddenly refuse foods that they previously ate without any problems.